


Morton's Marvelous Misadventures: The Professor and the Social Darling

by anarchycox



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Banter, Cultists, F/M, MI-6 Harry Hart, Merlin is a damsel in distress, Pre-Relationship, Roxy Morton is Lara Croftesque, Roxy Morton is a big damn hero, Snark, University History Professor Merlin, flirtation, romp, why'd it have to be cultists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-06-25 14:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Roxy Morton is the daughter of a rich man, whose titles have been in the family since the 14th Century. She is an environmentalist and social media darling, with a huge following on Youtube and Instagram. And on her jaunts around the world, if she perhaps does some jobs for her dear uncle in MI-6, well, Queen and Country, Queen and Country. But Harry Hart, the best 00 there is, needs her help off the books. His best friend in the world Professor Merlin Elliott has gone missing, and his grad assistant Eggsy insists foul play is involved. MI-6 cannot get involved, but if a woman was to be on vacation and poke about...well.Roxy goes and has to deal with Roman history, cultists, ancient ruins, and an absentminded professor who no one bothered to mention was insanely gorgeous.She can handle this. Probably.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thenerdyindividual](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenerdyindividual/gifts).



> written for my dear dear friend who did the the incredible moodboard thenerdyindividual


	2. Chapter 2

_ Look, I know you are sick of hearing about your one straw killing a turtle, when huge companies are murdering the planet, and is what you are doing really helping? But I promise it is. And I know for some single use straws are a part of health and well being. Just think about what plastics you use. Here at Everest the last big clean up? 14,000 garbage bags, most of it plastics. So please, think about your usage. A big one you can do - ditch plastic bags from shops. I have a link in my bio with a coupon for 25% off some seriously gorgeous, and sturdy resusable bags. I have 4 that have traveled with me to Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan, through that photograph safari in Africa. One even got eaten by an elephant and a wash a few days later, it was still great. Okay, a little smelly, but still in one piece. Do your part. #cleanplanet #cleanoceans #reducereuserecycle #resuablebags #savingtheplanetinstyle #notesfromnepal #ad #linkinbio _

Roxy proofread the insta post, and changed the filter a bit on her photo of the sunset in the mountains. That would do nicely. She was almost done her five days at the base of Everest. Everyone had been so sure she would climb it, she was known for her climbing skills, but instead she was there talking to other climbers, and showing the importance of not climbing if you don’t have the proper health and training. She was also exploring the ethical questions of the relationship between climber and sherpa, and the damage to the environment being wrought.

And frankly, Everest was a garbage climb anyways on the Nepal side. She had done the Tibetan side, but that was for her and never posted on YouTube or Instagram. She made a living as an activist and influencer, but she made sure to keep somethings for herself. Roxy was also there for another reason. A senior exec at Tesla was going to be doing the climb, all about a stunt for the company. That was fine - bullshit - but fine. Him selling schematics for things that could potentially be turned into weapons was not.

MI-6 was not impressed, but their hands were occasionally tied, especially when things were more hunches than proof. But you needed to be able to act to get the proof. Every double O had a personal analyst, and every personal analyst had an associate that a portion of their salary went to. 003 Harry Hart, had analyst Percival Morton, and he had his associate Roxy Morton. Her first memories were scratchy dresses forced on her by her parents. Being taught to curtsy. And him teaching her how to perfectly stomp on a foot of someone who called her simply precious.

He really was her favourite relative.

Roxy put on makeup, which was fucking absurd at the base of Everest, her hair was done and her coat was a fashion parka, and not at all rated for the weather. But when she stumbled into the fool, he happily rescued her. Roxy ate in his tent that night, which was not so much a tent as an encampment. She gushed and fluttered her lashes about how brave he was to do the climb, and she was too scared. It was so fucking easy to get him just a little tipsy. Roxy slid his phone out of his pocket.

One of his sherpas was watching her. Her Nepali was non-existent but she tried Hindi knowing they had the same root. “I will pay you to ignore what I do to this betrayer’s phone.”

The sherpa shrugged, messing with the man’s phone would not affect the climb. Roxy cracked it open and laid the tiny circuit in it just as her uncle taught her. She had the phone back in his jacket, and he had no clue, just looked blearily around and clumsily pawed at her. She pushed him towards his sleeping bag, and slid two hundred American dollars to the sherpa. “Yes?”

The money disappeared without a word. 

Roxy went back to her tent. Rookies would disappear in the dead of night, but she stayed and wished him luck on his climb the next day. She took a few more photos, and did one last video. Good. It was almost pretty there, sucked about the people ruining it. But she had gotten an email that a few hundred reusable bags had been sold with her coupon code. That was something.

She took her time heading home, losing herself in traveling, just wandering. Her parents had hoped that she would get over it, come home for longer than a few weeks. Put on a dress, marry someone of consequence. They had cut her off when she had informed them at 21 she wasn’t ever going to marry.  Roxy was written back into the will at 23 when she had been personally invited to dinner with Prince Charles to talk about her environmental activism. Her parents had met the royal family countless times, benefit of having had a title in their personal family longer than the Windsors, but private dinners were much rarer. It had been an interesting dinner, all in all.  She preferred talking horses with Princess Anne. That woman also took after her grandmother and always had a flask of gin on hand. 

The night before she was to fly to England, she actually ran into Princess Tilde on a tour. They had gone to school together and both supported several of the same charities.  Tilde still had the most amazing mouth ever, and it was a very pleasant reunion before they went their separate ways.

Roxy got back on the last plane into Heathrow and it was 1:30am before she unlocked the door to her garden level flat. The service her uncle arranged kept the place dust free, tended her garden, but couldn’t stop that stale smell that came from its owner being gone a month. She dropped everything in the hall, and by the time she reached her bedroom she was naked. She threw open the huge doors that were off her bedroom, into the garden. 

Roxy would never get tired of traveling. But the smell of wet London remained one of her favourites. She breathed it in until she was dizzy from tired and collapsed onto her bed. She vaguely thought shower but fell asleep before it was more than a vague thought.

**********

The smell of coffee and a fry up woke her. Only a couple people had keys to her flat. She thought about putting on a robe, and couldn’t be bothered. She went to the bathroom, had a quick shower. When she headed back to find clothes she heard a “Oh fuck, I just saw your niece’s arse.” which made her guess that it was 003 and her uncle, correct.

“Be grateful you saw such beauty, old man,” she called back. She put on some yoga pants and a tank top, and made her way to the kitchen. She kissed her uncle’s cheek, and punched Harry. “You are supposed to knock.”

“Then you would have woken to a knock and not nice smells.” He poured her coffee, and more tea for himself. “How was Everest?”

“Tall. Mission accomplished.”

“I never had a doubt,” Percival raised his cup in salute.

“I did, you aren’t properly trained.” Harry cut into his egg. “Come in. I can have you with a 00 number in two years.”

“No,” she replied, as she had for the last three years. “Harry, I like my job.”

“Taking photos and saying #livingthedream, is not a job.” He made a face. “And dear god, tilt you head at a 10% more angle up and to the right. You have cheekbones, use them.”

Roxy smiled at him. “Okay, old man.”

“I am refined. Not old,” he huffed.

Percival rolled his eyes. “009 retired, he is officially the oldest 00 now. He is a bit waspish about it all.”

Roxy ate her breakfast and watched them bicker. They always bickered, had since the first time she had met Harry when she was sixteen, and they had worked together for a decade before that. And having watched it for so many years, she knew this wasn’t quite the right rhythm. “What’s going on?”

“You need more rest,” Harry said, but he was tense.

“Not if you need me.”

“He doesn’t know if he needs you. And he doesn’t like using you.”

“You use me all the time. I like being used. Queen and Country,” she replied. She looked between them. “Oh, this is a bit different isn’t it?”

“It’s personal,” Harry admitted. “My first...my first love, my best friend, he is missing. Maybe.”

Roxy looked sharply to her uncle. Harry didn’t wear a wedding band, but Percival did. He smiled. “Merlin. He is a good man. And like clockwork emails Harry every other Friday. There was no email last week. And yesterday, his grad student, Eggsy Unwin, called Harry.”

“I am Merlin’s emergency contact. He is just gone. That is very unlike him. He is focused, bit of a stick up his arse. He wouldn’t have gone anywhere without word.”

“Missing person’s report?”

“He technically left a note saying he was going to a convention. So the garda won’t do fuck all,” Harry began to pace. “But he would not do that. Not in the middle of site research.”

“Research?”

“History professor at the University of Aberdeen,” Percival supplied. “Big find in some peat bogs. Roman items. The archaeologists called him in; Rome’s attempted incursions to Scotland is his area of expertise.”

“I think they found something. Something that people are interested in. And if you want answers to any oddities, you need Merlin.” Harry looked at her. “But no one will believe me.”

Roxy smirked at him. “Are you asking me for a favour, Harry? You personally?” Her smile dropped though at the look he gave her.

“On my knees,” he said solemnly. “He is one of my oldest and dearest friends. We were each other’s first loves and I am very scared, but I am needed in Bucharest, and no one else will do anything.”

Roxy stood up and hugged him. “Guess, I’m off to Scotland.” She looked to her uncle. “I assume you have a file for me?”

“A file, a few little helpful tools, booked into a natural spa for your feed,” he explained. “The only thing I cannot provide is a recent photo.”

“Oh?”

“He hates his picture taken,” Harry sounded so fond, and so worried. A tone she was only used to hearing about her uncle. “He’s written four books, all of pictures of him, are pictures of his dogs.”

“I like dogs.”

“I know you do,” Percival said. “I have one photo. He and Harry, when Merlin finished his post doc. The photo is about 22 years old. He’s thirty in it.” 

Harry pulled the photo out of his pocket, and showed it to her. “I’m sorry you can’t have it.”

She looked at Harry. Covered in mud. Floopy hair. Young, both eyes. “Is he as changed as you?” She pulled out her phone, and snapped the photo.

“Bald,” Harry offered. “Bit pale, tends to be in his office researching, or teaching. He boxes, but always against a bag. He loathes that I kill people.  _ I study war Harry, I know what men can do well enough, to know we should nae take arms up against each other _ . Though one time a bastard was shouting things at us and he laid the guy out. Broke his jaw.” Harry pocketed the photo and reached out. Percival wrapped his arms around him. “We were lovers. We were in love. And we realized we were best friends, brothers. And I am hoping he got distracted by a bit of metal and lost in some woods. But if my gut is right...You find out where he is, and then...then MI-6 will believe me, and I will show whoever took him what war really looks like.”

“You are just to assess,” Percival told her, “See if there is a trail to follow. Leave the following to me.”

“Of course,” she agreed. She looked at them. “You already have me packed don’t you?”

“Car is waiting outside, and a private plane hired.”

“I’ll find you answers, Harry,” she promised. “I trust you will do the dishes?”

“We will. Bring peace to my 00’s heart,” Percival requested, and pulled her in for a close hug. “You really should consider his offer.”

Roxy kissed her uncle’s cheek, and took the stick he pressed into her hand. She went to the car and on the plane read the information he provided for her. She hoped this was all a huge misunderstanding.

But Harry was wrong about brandy, and horses, and what break trouser she should wear. He was never ever wrong about his gut feelings. She’d find the missing professor for him.


	3. Chapter 3

She checked into her hotel, and made a post on Instagram about a super secret trip she was on and that updates would happen in a week. She uploaded a video to Youtube from her back up files, and researched the man of the hour. Her uncle’s provided information was very thorough. Professor Merlin Cormic Elliott. Phd in History, emphasis on Roman incursion into Scotland. 4 books published to critical acclaim, and huh, consulted a bit on some telly shows. Horrid Histories, a few BBC Classic things, and Outlander. Lord, but she hated Outlander. And he had two more books coming out, one of which was a children’s book about Scottish heroes. Cute.

He had a reputation as a good teacher, hard marker but never outside bounds of decency. Not a whiff of him being inappropriate with grad students, and generally his grad students were fairly successful afterwards. And there were seriously no photos of this man, anywhere. All group photos had “absent Professor Elliott.” Or when he was there he was always obscured by someone. He hid so much, but there were no reports of scars or anything. Just insanely camera shy. If it wasn’t fucking with her ability to help her favourite people in the world, she’d be impressed.

She emailed Eggsy Unwin, saying that Harry had sent her since he had to go on a business trip, but that he had agreed this was concerning. When she got out of the shower, she already had a response that gave a time and location the next day for breakfast. Roxy settled into bed with one of Merlin’s books.

It was actually quite engaging, it wanted people to learn, to feel the history, not just be impressed with what the author knew, but she had been on the road so long, her eyes would not stay open. She fell asleep and dreamed of chasing a man that she never saw the face of.

The shop she was meeting Eggsy at smelled divine. She ordered the largest coffee they had and told them yes, she meant it when she said put two shots of espresso in the coffee. She also had their breakfast sandwich which they promised to bring out to her. Roxy looked around the place, but no one in the shop screamed history grad student. She sat down with her coffee and watched everyone in their, and the door. A few minutes later a man came in, in a track suit and was scanning everyone carefully. She smiled at him, and gave a wave. “Eggsy?”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Just a mo.” He went to the counter, and ordered and she watched him. She wouldn’t have took him for a grad student. Her mother would have been moving her purse to the other side looking at him, but Roxy knew he was safe. Perhaps didn’t use to be, but beyond anything else he was radiating too much worry to nick her bag. He brought over his coffee, and her sandwich. “They said this was for you.”

“Thanks,” she kept assessing him. He was clever, very clever, and tried to hide it. Liked to be underestimated. She could appreciate that. His hands were rough, calluses that shouldn’t be there just from writing. But not gun. She couldn’t place them.

“Not going to steal your wallet,” he said.

“I’d break your fingers if you tried,” she kept staring at his hands. It would drive her crazy. “Helping with the dig?”

“Yeah, taking Merlin’s field notes,” Eggsy replied.

“Not...digging?”

“Moved a couple boxes for people but that’s it. Not trained for it.”

She reached out and held his hands. “Workout calluses. Your hands are rough, crooked finger, broken...jammed.” She catalogued it all. “Gymnastics?”

“Used to, long time ago,” he said. “Parkour.”

“Ah,” Roxy nodded. 

“Your hands are rough too.”

“Mountain parkour.”

They smiled at each other for a moment in harmony. Eggsy shook it off. “He didn’t go to a conference.” He started to eat her sandwich in nerves. Roxy didn’t particularly like her food being stolen, but she’d let it go. “I know that he ‘left a note’ but that would be a bastard thing to do to me. And he could be a bastard, but not to me.”

“Were you two…” she let the sentence hang in the air.

“Working hard? Yeah, but conferences aren’t vacations, they are a circle jerk of barely formed ideas, and cash bars.”

“No, were you two here together?”

“Course we were here together,” Eggsy looked at her in confusion. “How else do I take his field notes?”

“No...together together?”

“Well, sure been with him two years now, since comps finished. He has a few scotches I get called a friend.”

Roxy sighed. “Were you two fucking?”

And oh but that brought fire to the man’s eyes, that was interesting. “Why? Because I’m young and pretty, and the only way I could get the country’s best historian to be my advisor was by sucking his dick? Fuck you.”

“Did you?” She knew her bluntness there disarmed him a bit. He expected her to fall over herself with apologies about presumptions.

“No,” Eggsy said and leaned back in his chair. He crossed his arms, and scowled at her. “I’m his grad student because I wrote a paper that my previous advisor stole. No one believed me when I accused him - except Merlin. He asked if I wanted to be his grad student. And he’s fucking Merlin Elliott. He is the fucking guv, innit he? Said yeah, and when my advisor was going to fucking ruin me, he just stepped the fuck up. I owe him everything. But that doesn’t mean I owe him my body.”

“You could just be fucking him, because you like him, not because of the whole grad student/genius professor bullshit.”

“Yeah, I like him, but even if he were in love with me, he wouldn’t do fuck all. He don’t even kiss a grad student under mistletoe. That man is lawful good if ever that existed.” His eyes went distant. “Well...I think. Always got this simmer under. Think he’d go bad, if the circumstances warranted.”

That added to the information she had. “He is a focused man.”

“So focused. Driven. Do you know the Romans kept insane records. But there are these huge gaps when it comes to Scotland. Conquer the world, and it is the Scots that haunt your nightmares so much so, that you make gaps in your pristine records. Now that, that is interesting, innit? And this dig, might fill some gaps. So Merlin was called in, because he’d be the best.”

“Only?” Roxy could hear the questions in his voice.

“Something got found,” Eggsy said. “And then it got missing, and it was like nothing was found in the first place. He was upset. Then he was furious. Said he needed to talk to Harry. Because something was going wrong. Then he was gone, and there was that note and no one would believe me. Because they all have arsehole professors who do that sort of shit. The garda were as fucking useless as they ever are. So I called his emergency contact. And then you emailed me. You don’t look like an old geezer ex.”

“I’m the niece in law of the old geezer ex,” she said. “And he has to be elsewhere, and asked me to come check it out. No one believed him either.”

“But he believes me.”

“He does.”

“I know who you are. My mate Jamal crushes on you hard. You are like famous or shit, for being useless right?”

Roxy had been keeping an eye on the woman who had tailed Eggsy into the shop. “Hey I need a coffee refill,” she said. “How about you?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“I think you need a refill. And from a different shop. The espresso here is a bit bitter.” She gave him a pointed look, and he nodded slowly and they left the shop. Not even half a block away the woman was tailing them. “Is she an amateur, or does she think we are?” Roxy asked.

“Huh?” 

Roxy quickly yanked Eggsy into the alley, and got her bag ready. When the women hurried by trying to catch them, Roxy hit her hard with the bag, dragged her into the alley. “Where’s Merlin?” Roxy asked.

The woman swung out, and Roxy easily blocked it. She didn’t block the second hit; still just a little sluggish from travel. She whacked her with the bag again. And then Eggsy managed to get the woman’s arms pinned behind her back. “Where’s the professor?” Roxy asked again.

“You deny the gods.”

“Of course I do,” Roxy said. “What they ever done for us?”

“Everything, and we will remind the world of it,” the woman said. “The professor is fine, and will be returned as soon as he finishes his task.”

“Yeah, bet that is going slow isn’t it?” Eggsy asked. “He probably isn’t responding great to kidnapping.”

“He will see the glory of our task. He is among the worthy, the mighty, the -”

“Ugh, fucking cultists, why’d it have to be cultists?” Roxy groaned. This made this both easier and harder. “Right. That means cemetery, holy place, or castle. She’s on foot. And they likely want to see what comes out from the bog in case they need it. So likely within 80 kilometers from here.”

“Wait, how did you do that?” the woman was thrown out of her ravings for a moment. “Not that you are right. You are dead wrong.”

Roxy looked at her. “Dead? So definitely cemetary...or…” Roxy smiled. “Eggsy, you know the history around here?”

“Bit, and know where to look. Why?”

“City plans for the very first morgue.” The woman couldn’t help the way she gasped. “Yeah. Looks like we don’t need to ask you where Merlin is again do we?”

“It doesn’t matter, we move him today!”

“No, but now I have a trail, and you won’t be able to warn them.”

“Fuck, look I want Merlin back, but I really can’t kill someone.”

“Neither can I,” Roxy promised. She went into her bag, and a broken vial under the woman’s nose had her passed out. “But I can drug her for twelve hours, and plant some lsd on her.” They moved the unconscious woman deeper into the alley, and Roxy nodded to Eggsy. “Right, well, I’m supposed to now turn this over to authorities.”

“You heard her, they are moving him. Your authorities going to get here in time?”

“The local -”

“Bullshit, no way do they believe us. And look, Merlin is focused and driven, and the smartest man i know, and a complete pacifist. He won’t be able to fight his way out of this like fucking Indiana Jones. He’ll just mouth off, and they’ll hurt him. Please. I have no clue who you are, beside apparently not the useless rich cunt influencer that I thought.”

Roxy smiled at him. “Oh, I am absolutely a useless rich cunt influencer. But I also sometimes help the people who save the world.”

“Today, please, just save Merlin?” Eggsy begged.

“Right, then, let’s go find a historical morgue,” Roxy looked at him. “You ready to do what it takes?”

“For Merlin, I’d burn the Magna Carta.”

“I’ll take that as an oath of sincerity,” Roxy decided. “Nerd.”

Eggsy snorted. “How many pairs of Ugg boots you own?”

“Please darling, those are only worn for ironic purposes. And I don’t do irony. So cheap.” Roxy sent a quick message to her uncle, updating him, and nodded. “Let’s go save a history dork.”

“He’s more than a dork.”

“Is he?”

“You’ll see,” Eggsy promised, and they headed out to hunt Merlin down.


	4. Chapter 4

“How are you at breaking into places?” Roxy asked, as they tried the back door of the museum. Sure the sign said the place was closed for repairs, but in her experience cultists were dumb bunnies enough to have forgotten to lock the door. But it was locked. The small museum was a museum of oddities and the dark history of the town. Standard crap to pull bored tourists in, ooh haunted basement, here have a skull, blah blah blah. Roxy has a series on her Youtube channel about is this museum worth it? This place would definitely come down on the don’t waste your money side.

“Why, because I’m from a council estate, you expect me to be able to break into a place?”

“Sure,” she replied. “You also just scream, man with a dark and sexy past. But seriously, how annoying is it to carry that chip on your shoulder?” She began to dig through her bag, she had some tools that could be handy.

“Merlin asks me that, regularly. And I was point man, because of my pretty face. Not on the door, figure out when people were home. Can lift a wallet, breaking in, not my specialty.” He looked at her. “Also, sorry love, rich bitches not really my type.”

“Not flirting, just a fact. The rare times I ride d, doesn’t match you. I like older men, I have unresolved ‘daddy’ issues according to my therapist.” She found what she was looking for, and started to pick the locks.

“Uhhh, do we also have unresolved ‘oversharing’ issues we talk about with our therapist?” Eggsy asked. He was keeping an eye on the alley, making sure no one was coming.

“No, but I’ll add it to the list.” She was struggling. “This is a better lock than a place like this should have.” She was decent, Harry made sure of it, but this had a triple roller in it, not a strong suit of hers. “Don’t worry, I can get us in.”

“How?” Eggsy asked. 

Roxy picked up the brick that was clearly used to prop the door open for a delivery or smoke break, and smashed the window next to the door. She reached in, careful of the glass and unlocked the door. “There we go!”

“The alarm is screaming you lunatic!” Eggsy shouted.

“Yes, but alarms are easier to deal with than locks,” she explained. She went in and the alarm was right beside the door. She looked at the keys, and hummed thoughtfully. Roxy looked around the small box, and then touched the keypad. The alarm stopped. “There we go.”

“How the fuck did you do that Sherlock Holmes shit? Keys worn down or something? How’d you know the order?”

“Can’t trust volunteers and constant turnover of employees,” she said. “Number is written right there on the side of the machine.”

“Fuck, that woulda helped a few years ago, but then again, Poodle wouldn’t have been nicked by the filth, and I woulda stayed a criminal.”

“Criminal probably pays a fuckton better than history grad student,” she said, and used her phone flashlight to light their way.

“God it did, I miss the shoes so much. Had a new pair whenever I wanted. But no one is trying to sell me out, stepda not trying to kill me, so guess poverty and a grim future in a shite job market is better?” Eggsy frowned. “And now I am oversharing.”

“Happens. People like my pretty and innocent face. Makes them open up.”

“Yeah, when was the last time you were innocent?” Eggsy asked.

Roxy grinned at him. “17. I corrupted a princess.”

“Nice!” Eggsy automatically held out his hand, and Roxy fist bumped it. They both froze when they heard footsteps and remembered, right rescue mission.

Roxy turned off the flashlight, and they ducked into a room. The closed door meant they couldn’t hear everything the two people were saying but they heard,  _ pain in the arse _ , and  _ why is it we need him _ , and  _ truck will be here soon _ .

“That is definitely, Merlin,” Eggsy whispered.

“Right. We need to see if we can get him before they move him,” she whispered back. “Dashing rescue, by dashing people?”

“Fuck, I save his life might get me out of teaching that 9am class,” Eggsy said dreamily.

“Any lecture before 11am is the devil’s work,” she muttered. She had hated morning classes in uni.

“It is,” Eggsy agreed.

They slipped out of the room, and continued down the hall. It wasn’t a huge building, but it was old, which meant a lot of small rooms and tight hallways. Not the best place to try a sneak rescue. And sure enough when they turned a corner there were four people, a man in between them bound and hooded.

“Merlin!” Eggsy shouted and ran right at the people, not caring about logistics, just wanting to save his friend.

“Fuck,” Roxy swore, and threw her bag at the man who was raising a gun towards Eggsy. She reached into her pocket and tossed down the tiny smoke disc she carried. But in the tight hallway it made it difficult for her as well. This is why she never worked with a partner, because she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t take Eggsy out. But she went low and to the left since he had headed right, and threw a couple punches. “Professor, hit the ground and start moving forwards,” she called. “Eggsy, do not fucking worry about the goons, just get him out!” Roxy was pushed to the wall, but she used the momentum to spring off with a twist and wading back into the smoke. She knew though, that they were completely fucked. These guys weren’t like the woman who had tailed them, they knew what they were doing. She heard a thud, and then the sound of a body hitting the ground. “Bugger,” she cursed and hit the floor herself looking for her bag. She hit the side of it, and made sure to fling it over her shoulders. 

The smoke was cleaning, and she rolled and looked up. Two men had guns pointed at her. The other two were dragging the unconscious Eggsy and Merlin down the hall.

“Hiya,” she smiled at them. “How are you doing today? Don't suppose you'd believe we broke in, just for the fun of it?” She wasn’t surprised when a gun was brought down and it all went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Blindfold. Obviously.

Not gagged. Handy.

Bound. Arms good knots; legs not.

Roxy started to move her legs, to see if she could manage to pull them out. She couldn’t, but there was give, that was an advantage. “Hello?” she called out.

“Oi, shouldn’t we be whispering?”

“Okay there, Leroy Jenkins, yeah at this point whispering is absolutely what is going to save us,” she snapped.

“My graduate assistant’s name is not Leroy Jenkins, it is Eggsy. Eggsy did you give the lass a fake name?”

The professor’s voice was rich and deep. It was a good voice. 

“No, I didn’t give her a fake name, Merlin. It is an internet thing.”

“Like Lolcats.”

“Lolcats, how old are you?” Roxy paused in trying to escape. 

“52, and yourself?”

“26,” Roxy answered.

“26 is an interesting number. Did you know that by 26 for women it -”

“Merlin, not now,” Eggsy snapped. “You were kidnapped.”

“Twice,” Merlin added.

“Twice?” Roxy was confused. “Were you kidnapped from your kidnappers?”

“No, same people, but I am here, that constitutes twice. The first to the museum, and the second to wherever we are now.”

“That’s the same kidnapping, just moved to a secondary location.”

“Never go to a secondary location,” Eggsy added.

“Street smarts,” Roxy automatically replied.

“You do not have the same dialect as Eggsy. Indeed, you are British, raised in both London and the country. Public school. University was...Oxbridge? No...you rebelled, went something like Leeds.”

“How did you -”

“He does that, he has an ear for voices,” Eggsy said. “Handy at the bar. And we’re doing a comedy bit.”

“While we are twice kidnapped,” Merlin sounded annoyed. “Perhaps some focus on the task at hand?”

“Oi, you haven’t even asked for introductions, when I clearly know the girl,” Eggsy said. Roxy could tell they were both to her left. “Bit rude that. For you.”

“I apologize for that. I am a touch distracted by being kidnapped twice,” Merlin growled.

“It is only once,” Roxy chimed in. “Same group moving you, means it was just a single kidnap with a failed rescue in the middle. Which I feel we can safely blame on Leroy there.”

“Eggsy, if you prefer the name Leroy, you should have told me. I remember to call the person who used to be Vance, Lilly, I can remember to call you Leroy. It is no problem.”

“This is different than them,” Eggsy said. “She is mocking me for diving into rescue you and completely cocking it up.”

“I thought it a very noble attempt, Eggsy.”

“I couldn’t...they were hurting you,” Eggsy whispered.

“Son, I am fine. They are actually quite nice kidnappers.”

Oh, Roxy realized, they were family. No wonder Eggsy had been so pissed at her asking if they were fucking. “Kidnappers are often nice, until they aren’t. What do they want from you?”

“To read mostly. They have a journal they are trying to translate, and it is a difficult task. Well...not that difficult, I may have exaggerated my problems reading it.”

Roxy sighed. “Okay, whispering served no point, but you do know they have a guard in here, right now? And you gave away a rather pertinent fact.”

“How do you know there is a guard in here?” Eggsy asked. “You not got the manky blindfold?”

“No but someone has been breathing while we’ve been talking.” Roxy looked to the right. “Which will not go well for them. Kidnapping someone from MI-6.” She pitched her voice a little higher, curious what response that would get. None, but the breathing moved, left the room. 

“What the - Roxy you are -”

“Quiet,” she hissed. “Both of you don’t even fucking breathe.” Oh good lord, they both actually held their breath. But at least she was being listened to, she supposed that was something. She couldn’t hear anything else. She waited, no other breath. “Right you two can breathe again.”

Eggsy was clearly gasping, but Merlin’s breath was almost normal. “How the fuck you manage that Merlin?”

“You don’t want the answer,” Merlin replied.

“Kinda? I mean that was insane lung control.”

“Let’s say scuba diving in the 80s.” His voice was very dry and Roxy thought of a tone that Harry used sometimes.

“Oh that’s cool, I can barely snorkel. Would love to learn though. Bet they have lessons at a pool, maybe take them so ever if I get to an island, I could do it.”

“Eggsy, my lad,” Merlin sighed. “It was a - Aye, pools have lessons.”

Roxy decided she wouldn’t mention that Merlin meant he had sucked enough dick in the 80s, that he had gotten very good at breath control. She had read old code and slang manuals, and listened to enough of Harry’s stories to parse it out. “Right, well, now not that this conversation isn’t fascinating, but I vote we try that escape thing again?”

“How the fuck we doing that MI-6?” 

“Well we are starting here,” Roxy said and began to rock her chair back and forth. She prayed she was right about the construction of it, and she tipped forward and threw all her weight back and to the side so the chair would hit the ground. “Ow,” she groaned. That landed on her shoulder poorly. 

“Uh, didn’t hear the sound of wood cracking or nothing there,” Eggsy pointed out.

“Eggsy, constructive criticism only, I am sure she has some hidden gadget somewhere if she is MI-6. Harry always has a gadget.”

Roxy frowned. “Oi, no talking about Harry’s gadget, he’s happily married to my uncle.” 

“I know, I sent them a great gift.”

“Merlin, for my last birthday, you bought me a skirt.”

“A kilt, my family’s plaid, to signify that we are family,” Merlin sounded quite upset.

“Oh fuck, I puked on that thing. I am so sorry.” Eggsy sounded almost weepy. “I consider you family too, mate.”

“Lovely,” Roxy said. “Were you the swords, or the dildo?”

“Oh he was the swords,” Eggsy said.

“Actually -”

“YOU WERE THE SWORDS BECAUSE WE ARE IN FACT NOT FAMILY IF YOU GOT YOUR EX A DILDO AS HIS WEDDING GIFT.” Eggsy shouted.

“It was a historic artifact, beautifully carved, for ceremonial purposes.”

While they bickered about appropriate gifts Roxy was able to get her legs out of the poorly tied ropes now the chair wasn’t against the floor. She stood up, chair still attached to her back. She screamed, a primal, horrific noise.

“What the fuck was that?” Eggsy shouted.

“That was an impressive battle cry,” Merlin said. “Oh that was a lovely sound. I like lasses who sound like death come calling.”

“Wait you like lasses? You are gay.”

“I am bi.”

“You are not.”

“I am.”

“Since when?”

“Since ever. I strongly prefer men, but every once in a while, a woman intrigues.”

Roxy let loose another almost feral shout, and could hear footsteps running. Again from the right, that is where the door was. She hurried, blind, hampered by the chair, but positioned herself, when she guessed the man had left from.

When the door was swung open hard, it crashed into the chair. It almost crushed her fingers, but she’d worry about that later, because she had heard a bit of a splinter. She pushed back hard, and the wood crack and the back of the chair broke in half and fell from her. “Right.” She was mostly free of the chair, but blindfolded, and hands bound.

She had been to Glasto, Coachella, and Burning Man. She could fucking handle a kidnapping by some fucking cultists.

Or not, as they easily grabbed her. They ripped off her blindfold, and two others went to Eggsy and Merlin, removing their blindfolds as well.

“How’s it going there, Leroy?” Eggsy asked with a smirk.

“Could someone explain this Leroy thing?” Merlin looked to his kidnappers. “Do you understand it, because this will bother me and be quite distracting from the work you want me to do.”

“Sure, it-”

“Not now!” The man holding Roxy tight shouted. They were in some sort of study. She assessed it as best she could, the way her uncle taught her. The man wrapped his hand around Roxy’s throat. “So Professor, I think you’ll start translating a little quicker won’t you?” He tightened and Roxy couldn’t stop how she choked on air.

“Aye, just let her and my grad assistant go,” Merlin said. “I will translate the journal. Find that code you are looking for.”

“How did you know we are looking for a code?”

“It was obvious. That whole journal solely exists to hide the code.”

“Show him,” the man ordered, and his grip didn’t loosen on Roxy’s neck. They were on the first floor. Old manor. The mason work suggested 18th century. Windows were modern made to look old though. Meant that wasn’t lead in between the stained glass. That was good.

A small, falling apart book was held right up to Merlin’s nose. “I cannae translate like that.” Merlin looked at the man holding Roxy. “Yes I was lying before, but I cannot translate without use of my body.”

“You read with your eyes.”

“He’s right. When he’s reading latin, he cannot sit still. Reads it with his whole body,” Eggsy said. “Drives his colleagues spare. I’ve gotten used to the pacing. But keep him tied down, he’ll do crap translating.”

“If you try anything -” the man warned.

“The whole point was me trying something, was it not?” Merlin asked. 

The man gestured, and Merlin was untied. He took the journal and began to pace. He was muttering to himself, and Roxy could pick out Greek, Latin, Gaelic. And damn it was just whispers, an occasional rise and fall, but Merlin really did have an incredible voice. For just a moment she forgot about escape plans, and listened to him. But then she noticed he was making wider and wider circles. He circled behind the desk and paused. “There,” he said. “Eggsy, I need your help with this translation. There is some Arabic here, and you understand that better than I do. I think this is it.”

No one moved, and the man holding Roxy squeezed her too tightly in his anger. “Untie the bastard!”

A goon hurried and did it. Roxy smiled a little. Merlin had gotten Eggsy free, with his need for the translation. Good. Roxy moved her hand slowly to her belt buckle, to what was behind it. She grabbed the small disk and flipped the switch on it. She looked around the room again. Her bag was in the corner. Even better. These were not professionals by any stretch. It took a minute though for her disk to charge, and she watched Eggsy approached the desk. 

It was a blink, and Merlin had a sword off the wall and Eggsy pressed behind him. “Let the girl go,” Merlin ordered.

“Or what? How is what you’ve done any advantage?”

Merlin picked up the journal. He ripped the page he was reading out and stuffed it in his mouth. They all watched him chew and swallow. “Any of ye remember to photograph or scan the journal? I am betting not, don’t seem like the most academically minded sort.”

“Merlin did you just eat an almost two thousand year old journal?”

“Just a page.”

“That might have like dangerous levels of lead or something.”

“Danger is my middle name.”

God, Roxy expected the professor had waited his whole life to say that. 10 more seconds.

Merlin ripped out another page. “Let the lass go.”

“Or don’t, I’ll let myself free, thank you,” Roxy replied, and slammed the small disk onto the man holding her and enjoyed the electric shot that coursed through him. She bent and picked up her broken chair and threw the large piece at one of the other guards and it toppled him. She had always had the best pitch at cricket. 

A goon rushed at Merlin, to get the journal, and Merlin had apparently not picked up the sword for show, but swung and used it to push the person back before knocking him out with the pommel. “Right. Escape was mentioned I believe?” Merlin looked at her. “Any ideas?”

They could all hear running.

Roxy used a chair to smash the window open and grabbed a tapestry from the wall. “Jumping seems like a good call.” She weighed the tapestry with one of the chairs and grabbed her bag. “Quickly?” 

Eggsy grabbed the journal and just ran and leapt out the window with ease.

“I really have to try parkour,” Roxy was a little impressed.

Merlin dropped the sword. “Aye, it will be handy for future kidnappings.” He swung his legs over and looked down. “Roxy, I believe Eggsy said?”

“It is. Roxy Morton.”

“A pleasure,” Merlin said, and dropped down.

“The same,” Roxy said, and followed him out. They all ran for the woods, and hoped to lose their kidnappers. 


	6. Chapter 6

“What was that?” Eggsy whipped his head around, to the sound he heard. “Shit, how did they find us already?”

“It was likely a fox or deer,” Roxy dismissed, as she easily walked through the woods. Kidnapping notwithstanding, she was in a good mood. She loved the woods of England and Scotland. Years in guides, and field training with her uncle had her loving these types of woods more than any other wild place she had been around the world. She had worked tirelessly to make sure the woods around the family estate were protected. Her mother had wanted to carve into them a bit, for reasons. She had actually sued them when she was 21 on environmental grounds. Well, she had started to, but she knew the threat of the public scandal would get them to stop, and she had been right. If there weren’t murderous cultists after them, she’d be whistling. “The people chasing us would be a lot more noisy.”

“Deer attack people, though, don’t they?”

Roxy paused, and looked at him. “Deer?” 

“Well I saw a thing once, this rabid deer, went mental and -”

“Riiiight, Merlin?” She looked to him, hoping the older man was saner than Eggsy. “Can you reassure your grad student about deer?”

“If you eat venison raw, you will go mad. I read this fascinating diary of a soldier from 212 common era, and -”

“Okay, raise you had if you have camped before,” Roxy said. She put up her hand, and Merlin raised his as well, smiling as he did so. “I see, now raise your hand if that camping included no tent, no power, no bog around the corner to go shit in, that you’ve actually cleaned your arse with a leaf or buried it in sand?” Merlin immediately put his hand down. “I see.” Roxy took a breath. “And now we raise a hand if we have been in the woods before?” Her and Merlin. “For more than one hour nature walk on trails?” Okay his hand stayed up. “Longer than three hours?” and his hand went down. “One last question, raise your hand if you can start a fire?” Eggsy’s hand immediately went up, and he seemed proud as hell. “Without a lighter or molotov cocktail?” she added, and that hand went down. Right. Well then. Her guides leader had to deal with 8 eleven year old girls in the woods, she had to deal with two incredibly intelligent men. This would be fine.

An hour later, she debated just ending it all. It would solve the problem of the cultists if Eggsy and Merlin were dead. Eggsy was just making so much noise as they walked through the forest, and yelped every time the wind blew, or an animal made noise. But his noise was nothing compared to Merlin who was actually translating the bloody journal as he walked. He had run into three trees, and fallen twice, and kept muttering in latin. When Eggsy asked, “what was that noise?” for the eighteenth time, Roxy suggested a break.

There was a downed tree, and she sat on it. It was a good time to take inventory of her bag.

“So, that like Mary Poppins’s bag?” Eggsy asked. “Like MI-6 has the tech to do that kind of thing right?”

“Just a back pack,” Roxy said. “But it has a few fun things.” She began to do inventory. “Okay, they weren’t completely incompetent. Shit.”

“Why are you saying shit?” Eggsy asked. “Why is someone from MI-6 saying shit? That is when James Bond almost dies.”

“You know he is made up right?”

“She is also not MI-6,” Merlin added. 

“She said she was. That the influencer bullshit is just like a what you call it? Cover,” Eggsy nodded. “Your friend Harry sent a proper agent after you.”

“No, he couldn’t have. I know the rules that govern him. He refused to read his contracts, I always do it for him.”

“Oh, M cannot know that,” Roxy muttered. All her weapons were gone from the bag.

“But based on what you would have told him, that would not be enough to warrant an investigation. She has no official affiliation with MI-6.”

“No, that...you said you were sent to investigate! You told me to get word to a bloke at MI-6.”

“So you know in movies, how the spies always go off book, much to the consternation of those back home?”

“Yeah, sure, what you have to do to save the day,” Eggsy said.

“They don’t. Agents operating in the field seldom don’t follow orders. They actually behave in a very rigid manner, because too much goes wrong when you go off book,” Roxy cursed. The tracker she had turned on, back when they were kidnapped was gone. The cultists took a step up on her competency scale. “The ones who go most off book are the analysts. To get the information to be able to deploy their agents. And they use whatever they have to, to get the intel. Each agent has an analyst, each analyst has an assistant. That assistant is not acknowledged by MI-6 in any way and if they are caught they are left to rot. I’m one of those assistants.” She sighed. “And the tracking device in my bag is gone. Percival will have us until whenever they found it. But that is it. And my satellite cell phone is gone. Along with my weapons. But they left a couple things.”

“Thought MI-6 left its assistants to rot.”

“Sure, but my uncle doesn’t,” she looked at them. “We need to get out of the woods.” She could not keep these two in here, it would just make her life miserable. “I don’t suppose you know where we were taken?” She had been using the compass in her watch, taking them south, because frankly at least it was a direction. But she didn’t actually know that would do anything.

“We were blindfolded, what the fuck would I know?” 

“It was a 16th Century keep,” Merlin said. “Glass replaced in the room we were in, full electrical but no heating grates, at least not in that space. If it was a touring castle, they’d have more than fire for heat, don’t want tourists getting a chill. But well appointed and when we ran from that side, I could see no ill repair. And it is only getting dark now, they didn’t drive us more than a couple hours. That means The Manor Craydon. The town we were taken from is west, northwest a bit.”

“I’ve been taking us south.”

“Farmlands to the south by southeast of the Manor. Sheep, mostly.” He was clearly thinking. “Royal woods, historically. Maybe 100 acres?”

“Then we keep on our path,” she decided. “How do you know that?”

“I’m a Scottish historian,” he shrugged. “I tour castles and manors on vacation. I like to correct the tours. Once I got offered a job. Actually did the tours for the rest of the vacation, was frightful good fun.”

“Okay,” Roxy nodded. “Well, that was helpful, thank you.”

“Oi, I told her you weren’t just a nerd,” Eggsy hissed. “You aren’t helping yourself there.”

“But nerd is my second best feature. Harry always says.” Merlin looked at him. “People like smart people.”

“There is smart, and there is weird with it,” Eggsy explained and Roxy was pretty sure this wasn’t the first time Eggsy had told Merlin that.

Roxy knew Harry though, and wouldn’t bite. Because it would be either very romantic, or very crude. She finished packing up her bag and held out her hand. “The journal.”

“But I’m translating.”

“And you are going to sprain an ankle. Dark is coming, and we need to move fast. I cannot have you two in the woods in the night.”

“Why?” Eggsy and Merlin asked at the same time.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“I think we’ve been doing pretty well, not actually slowed you down,” Eggsy protested. There was a branch crack to their left and he jumped, and made fists. “What the fuck was that?”

“Yeah...no, you are right, spending the night in the woods with you two with no fire and no cover would be the most fun. Be doing an insta post about it, be my best ever.”

“Insta?”

“Instagram?” she looked at him. “Social media picture thing.”

“Yes, I know! I follow several museums.”

“Of course you do,” she sighed. “Let’s get moving.” They had even taken her torch from the bag. She was drop kicking the next cultist she saw. Luckily they reached the edge of the wood before full dark had set in. Only leaving the woods meant they just saw fields. “Fuck, come on, there has to be a barn.” She scanned but couldn’t see anything. 

“There,” Merlin said. He turned her a little. “But that is a good bit away.”

She could see the building and tried to judge. “Half a kilometre?”

“Aye, that is my guess.”

“Your guess worth anything?” 

“Not really,” he shrugged. “But it beats the woods, or open air.”

“True. Let’s go.”

“I vote woods. I’m fucking tired. I do not walk this much, ever.” Eggsy was leaning on Merlin. “Also none of us have eaten since breakfast. I’ve gotten out of the habit of missing meals.”

Roxy went into her bag, and tossed him some fruit leather. “There.”

“You were bloody holding out?” Eggsy looked at her like she had killed his puppy. “Why?”

“In case we did have to stay in the woods,” she said. She tossed another to Merlin and popped a mint in her mouth.

“Lass, you need calories as well, as few as there are in these.”

“I’ll be fine, used to skipping meals, before a bikini shoot.”

“That sentence bothers me,” Merlin said. He looked at Eggsy. “This is a thing people do?”

“Yeah, beauty standards are bullshit,” Eggsy said. “But her doing her thumbnail in a bikini on Youtube gets her the clicks, and that gets her the money. But actually...you are posh. You go to Ascot and shit.”

“I am comfortable, the family more so.” Roxy started walking. “All the money from Youtube, and Instagram shilling, I funnel into my preferred charities.”

“That is admirable.”

“Maybe they are charities you despise.” She smiled at him. “Maybe I donate to things you morally oppose.”

“And what do you think I oppose?”

“Well, you are a historian, and of an age with my parents. I am guessing you run...more conservative than I do.”

Eggsy snorted as he finished his fruit leather. “Merlin? You’d lose that bet. He was the grand marshal for the last pride event on campus. A part of the group that went hardcore on getting decent recycling going, and solar panels on buildings.”

“Really?” Roxy looked at him. “Huh.”

“I dislike inequity.” He held out half his fruit leather to her. “Even in such things as short rations.”

Roxy took the half he offered. “Thank you,” she said. They walked towards the house in the distance. “Have to admit, little impressed how you ate the journal page.”

“Still say it is going to kill you, it was stupid.”

“It was not, not if it kept you safe,” Merlin insisted. “You are my graduate student. It is my job to keep an eye out on you.”

“Bruv, mostly that means making sure I don’t use bullshit or outdated sources, not protecting me from weirdos with a sword.”

“I see no difference.”

“Of course you don’t.”

Eggsy’s voice was incredibly fond and a little in awe of that, Roxy thought. “What is the journal saying?” she asked.

“Nothing many other journals already have said. But, there are occasionally odd word choices. I think if we stack those together, there is something, but whatever it is, it is not what they want.”

“Oh?”

“What was pulled from the bog - they believe it a magic box. Something that when decoded will summon the gods.”

“Mother fucker that is the fucking plot of like Hellraiser. You never fucking, ever, decode a weird box. What the fuck is wrong with these people?”

“Cultists,” Roxy said. “Always the worst. That sincere belief in the absurd.”

“Oh it is very real,” Merlin replied, and kept walking. 

Roxy watched him get a good few paces ahead of them, before he realized he had left them behind. “A box that can, when uncoded, summon gods? That’s mythology.”

“That’s the devil’s work and we fucking don’t touch it,” Eggsy added firmly. “Merlin, you don’t believe in this sort of stuff at all. Like at all, at all.”

“The actual summoning of the gods, no of course not, the gods if they even once existed would be dead now. But there is a box, we both saw it pulled from the bog, and it was unusual for the Romans. Things are seldom unusual from them. That intrigues me. And this journal? Potentially has the answers to that. My bet is schematics for a weapon or such. Even just gems worth an untold fortune.”

“Merlin, sir, you are not opening that box.”

“Did I ever tell you my favourite relative’s name was Pandora?”

“Your favourite relative’s name was Abigail.”

“Fair, but that would have been fun if it was true, wasn’t it?”

Roxy had to snort at that, and kept walking. Eggsy and Merlin continue to bicker over the merits of opening the box and she decided not to point out it didn’t matter. They’d be crashing in the barn, and in the morning asking the people of the house to borrow their phone. She’d call Percival, and this would become a matter for the law. 

Eggsy was stumbling by the time they made it to the barn; Roxy and Merlin both caught him before he fell. “Sorry,” he said.

“You are okay,” Roxy promised him. “Come on.” 

The opened the door to the barn, and the air was very stale. This barn hadn’t been used for much of anything in a long time. “Go sit,” she urged him. “I’ll see if there is a well or something.” Roxy left them in the barn and circled around to the house. It was full dark, no cars, and three of the windows were smashed in. This was an abandoned farm. Well that made things both easier and more difficult.

She went back to the barn. “Good and bad news. Abandoned farm. Not going to be a working phone.”

“If you tell me that is the good news, I swear to fucking god -”

“No, the good news is that means we can crash in the house. Bit better than the barn, and if they are on a well, there might even be water.” 

Merlin hauled Eggsy up, and Roxy was a little impressed that he managed that; Eggsy wasn’t a skinny man by any stretch. They went to the house and in the pantry found a torch. They looked about, and there wasn’t much to find, but it was going to be better than the barn. No water came out of the taps and Eggsy whimpered. Roxy went to the bog. “Bingo!”

“Excuse me?”

“Bog still has water.”

“I’m not a dog, I am not drinking for the toilet.”

Merlin went in. “Tank?”

She nodded. “You know that?”

“Water got turned off plenty as a lad,” Merlin replied. “Eggsy, the tank water will be clean.”

“Yeah?”

“I promise.”

“Okay then,” Eggsy said. “I’ll check the kitchen for anything.”

Roxy looked at Merlin, there was just enough moonlight to see him, since Eggsy had taken the torch. “This is done, you know. Town we find town, and call in the troops, and they take care of it.”

Merlin smiled a bit. “Lass, do you really believe that?”

“No, I don’t. I think they are tracking us and we left a huge fucking trail, but if we don’t rest, we are completely screwed.”

“Aye.” Merlin was watching her, and Roxy wondered what he saw. “Harry has mentioned you.”

“I annoy him a great deal.”

“Most people do,” Merlin just kept looking at her. “He is also in awe of you.”

“Wait, what?” That completely shocked Roxy.

“I found a measuring cup,” Eggsy said. They scooped out water, and it tasted stale, but potable. “I also found this.” Eggsy held up a half done box of granola bars. “There were a couple other things, but uh, there were nibbles in the boxes so I left those ones be. But look, four bars!” Merlin insisted they take the time to split the food equally.

Roxy looked around the house and smiled. “There is a stained and broken mattress in a room!”

The men came running and Eggsy looked at the stains. There were ragged curtains still in the window. He ripped them down and covered the mattress. He flopped, and was asleep in 5 minutes.

“You should rest too, I don’t mind taking first shift,” she told him. “I’m used to odd hours.”

“Four hours. I can get by on four hours just fine.”

“Very well,” Roxy replied. She watched Merlin lay down next to Eggsy and she laughed when Eggsy rolled and latched onto Merlin like he was a giant stuffie. “He is interesting.”

“He is a good man, and a loyal one. Rushes into his studies, just like everything you have seen. It was his idea I write a children’s book. He wanted his little sister to learn about history.” Merlin tried to wiggle away from Eggsy, but the man would not let go, and he just sort of gave up. “Well then, four hours lass.”

“Tell the truth, Professor. Do you think that box can summon the gods.”

“No,” Merlin replied. “No, I think it does something, or did, hundreds of years in a peat bog not very good for gears. But it wasn’t lost on accident. That much is clear from the journal. They wanted it lost on purpose. And that is concerning and intriguing.”

Roxy nodded. They were quiet for a time, but she knew he wasn’t asleep yet. “Merlin?”

“Aye?” 

“What does Harry think your best feature is?” She had to know, it was going to bug her otherwise.

“I’ve always had to read out loud, when thinking things through. Given me a very nimble tongue.” The man had a low and deep laugh that made Roxy shiver a bit. “How I can use my tongue is according to Harry my very best feature.”

“Interesting,” was Roxy’s comment..

“Aye and complete bollocks. He says my best feature is my eyes.” Merlin. “But he has been known to be wrong.”

Roxy snorted, “Harry is wrong 80% of the time.”

“That is one of his best features.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Of course,” Merlin replied. “But just as I do Eggsy. As family. I am incredibly happy he found your uncle.”

“Do you have someone, who is missing you?”

“No, I tend to bore people once they are with me long enough.”

“I’ve only known you a day, I’d hardly consider you boring.”

“Yes well, most of my days aren’t quite like this one. Four hours, lass.”

“Four hours,” Roxy agreed, and eventually the only noise to keep her company while she kept watch was the snores of the two men.


	7. Chapter 7

“Ugh, who put on the worst alarm ever?”

Roxy sat up hard when Eggsy said that, hearing the chanting. “Fucking cultists.”

“Aye,” Merlin came into the room. “They have the building surrounded, and are chanting in Latin. They think it is a prayer, it is mostly dirty poetry.”

Eggsy laughed a bit at that. But the chanting grew louder. “So like, we know they have bad poetry, and can throw a mean fist, and guns. And we have the journal, Roxy’s problem solving, my quick wit. And Merlin’s brain which is technically what they want. We can get out of this no problem? Right?”

“They also have a jeep. Which is currently unguarded.”

Eggsy smiled. “Well now, isn’t that an interesting bit of information.” Eggsy looked out the window. “Right, you two distract them. Bye.”

“Wait, where is he going?”

“I presume to steal the jeep, so we can get to the city and call Harry,” Merlin said. “He had a misspent youth. It is handy.”

“Carjacking really that valuable for a phd in ancient history?”

“I lock my keys in the car. A lot. Campus security started refusing to aid me.”

“No, that completely scans, for both of you,” Roxy said. “One distraction coming up.” Now she had to come up with a distraction. She looked around the room and thought. “Do you trust me?”

“Harry does, and that is good enough for me.”

“Sorry about this then,” she smiled sadly, and back handed him hard enough to split his lip open. She had his arm behind his back, a knife pressed between his shoulders in less than a minute. “You understand?”

“I do,” he agreed, and they went out the front door.

“Morning,” she called out to the cultists. “Wow, okay, that is a lot of you. Is this all of you?” There were about a dozen people.

The main guy from the first encounter stepped forward. “We are trying to save the world. Why are you stopping us?”

“Not, not anymore. Found out another influencer talked trash about me. My sub count is way down, fucks with my revenue. So, forget before, what will you pay me for him?”

“What the fuck? I thought ye a woman of principle!” Merlin shouted. “And ow, stop jabbing me with that knife, they won’t pay for my corpse.”

“Actually that is what we really need, so we would,” a woman called out.

“Well now, this will have been worth it just for that information,” Roxy whispered. “Thought you needed him to translate the journal?”

“You kill the translator after, those who consume the words are sacrificed to free the words.”

“Shut up,” the man roared. “This is a trick, because where is the idiot and the journal?”

“Excuse me, did you just call the best graduate student I’ve had in decades an idiot?” Merlin flat out forgot that he was supposed to be held by Roxy with her ‘dangerous’ knife, and started forward. “You dare insult a man who is smarter than all of you combined?”

“Bloody hell,” Roxy sighed. So much for the plan. 

Merlin was stalking towards the lead cultist. “Oh you aren’t killing me yet, I haven’t finished the translation. You might need me dead, but you don’t need me dead yet. You fucking dare?” He kept pressing forward, and the whole cult was rather in shock at the boldness.

Roxy was also sort of impressed by the intensity of it, even as she marveled at the stupidity. “Merlin, the plan?”

“They fucking insulted, Eggsy. Find me a sword.”

“We are a bit busy not dying, because while they might not shoot you, they will definitely shoot me?” Roxy saw three guns pointed at her, the rest at Merlin. “And I do hate to point it out, but they could wing you or something?”

Merlin was still moving forward. “No, they won’t shoot any of us, because you are leverage to get me to cooperate, not of use if ye are dead.” He walked until his chest was pressed against the gun. “What the fuck did you say about my grad student?”

“You are insane,” the lead cultist stared at Merlin in awe. “And you met her yesterday, how is she useful leverage.”

“Because I have had a thing for the lass for a year, since I saw her first IT post.”

“IG,” Roxy corrected.

“Don’t need to know the name of the platform, have it bookmarked to see your arse.”

“Would think that is more snapchat,” a cultist called out.

“I like a bit of mystery, so in the bikini, well she makes sure she is always well lit. And she promised me a very good weekend if we get out alive, so trust me she is leverage.”

“Oi, excuse me?” Roxy glared at him. “I would never -” He glared at her. “Oh, right, yeah. Totally going to suck his dick. I am fucking great at sucking dick.”

“I hate all of you,” the cult leader said. "And at least keep your stories straight. If she was selling you out, she would offer to suck your old dick."

"My dick is excellent thank you very much. And back up plans."

The lead cultest cocked the gun. “Still don’t believe I’d shoot you?”

“Hard to shoot me when on your knees, clutching your balls,” Merlin snarled. He took off his glasses, headbutted the cult leader and kneed him in the junk before putting his glasses on. He kicked the man for good measure. “Do nae ever talk shit about my grad student.”

Everyone was sort of watching the moment like it was on telly, when Eggsy came around the corner in a jeep he hotwired. Roxy bolted to it, dove in. “Merlin!” she screamed, and the man stopped kicking the cult leader and ran. 

The second Merlin was half in the jeep, Eggsy kicked it into gear, and spun the vehicle hard. They went around the house, and were on the road. Eggsy was pushing the ancient vehicle for all it had, and Roxy buckled in, fairly certain that forget the cultists, this ride would kill them. “You fucking wanker, we had a game plan.”

“What did he do?” Eggsy asked as he checked the rearview mirror. “Saw him going at the leader.”

“Apparently Merlin takes it very personally when you get insulted.” Roxy looked between them. “Like risk his life pissed off to defend your honour. Are you sure you two aren’t banging it out?”

“Ew,” both Merlin and Eggsy said. Both had a look of revulsion on their faces, that Roxy believed.

“I love, Eggsy, because of his Early Arabic knowledge, his ability to remember where I put my keys, and the fact that we win over those Philosopher tossers at pub trivia.”

“Aww, love you too, sir. Though I’ll love you more if we can never, ever do field work again?” Eggsy looked in the rearview mirror. “Because we got company.”

“Fuck,” Roxy began to search the jeep. “Fuck they couldn’t keep spare guns in here?”

“Merlin we’re headed to the main road, I think? Based on how tire skids on the road are.”

Wow, she didn’t expect that.

“Aye, we should be at it soon.”

“Okay, I want everyone to keep an eye out for a body of water.” Eggsy hit the power buttons, and rolled up everyone’s windows, but left the doors unlocked. He turned hard when they hit the intersection. There were other cars, a few, but it wasn’t too busy.

The cultists were behind them, not pretending they weren’t in pursuit.

“There,” Merlin pointed ahead of them, where the road bridged over a lake.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Eggsy said and he began to weave in traffic, like he had little control of the car, but Roxy could see he knew what he was doing. “Everyone start to breathe deep, expand your lungs and get ready to hold your breath. Do not fucking panic as the car fills with water, yeah?” He turned the wheel hard, and did something, Roxy wasn’t sure how or what, but they were over the rail and headed towards the lake. “I hope this fucking works. Can’t die like this, haven’t told Jamal I love him.”

“Wait, your flatmate?”

“Oh my god, they were flatmates,” Roxy said as she braced herself, and the jeep hit the water. 

Eggsy drove until the car wouldn’t go and they started to sink. “Breathe, breathe. Stay calm. We have to go all the way under. Roxy looked behind and saw a bunch of cars stopping, and people running. Enough people that the cultists were continuing on - it was too much of a scene for them to stop.

“You are a genius,” Roxy said. She could hear people shouting and the water was up to her mouth. She took a last breath and soon her head was under water. She reached for the door, but hands stopped her. She wanted to fight, but she stayed calm, trust the men she had known for such a short time. 

Eventually Eggsy opened his door, and Merlin did the same. They started to swim up, and Roxy went to follow but she couldn’t get her seat belt undone. She tried not to panic but her lungs were starting to hurt. She pressed the button again but it was stuck, and it had snapped in place and she couldn’t loosen it. Roxy tried to squeeze under but it was just too tight. She kicked the seat in front of her and kept trying. She would try until she couldn’t.

Then there were hands with her. Eggsy was pushing her, and Merlin was ripping at the belt. She had a moment to think their strength was impressive before she blacked out.

She woke up coughing, choking on water. 

“Easy, lass, you are safe,” Merlin said. “You are in the ambulance, on the way to the hospital.”

“I am so sorry,” Eggsy sounded wrecked.

“I’m fine, only out for a minute.” Roxy looked at them. “Knights in armor. You ever wear that?”

“He has, well not armor, but he did put on a kilt and paint himself blue once. Proper kilt wearer, if you get my drift.”

Roxy looked at Merlin and smiled, for a moment her heart monitor spiked, and Eggsy giggled at the way Merlin flushed a bit. “So hospital. They have phones, we can call Harry and Uncle Percival.”

“Aye. Eggsy that was a clever plan,” Merlin praised.

“Not so clever,” Eggsy muttered. “I’m sorry, Rox.”

“It was very clever,” Roxy said. “I’ll be writing a stern letter to the jeep company about their seat belts being a little too safe.”

They were all laughing, and the medic was trying to attend to Roxy, ignoring them. They were brought to the A&E and Merlin went to find a phone to call Harry. Eggsy refused to leave Roxy’s side while they waited for a doctor. She smiled at him. “So, tell me about Jamal.”

It was Eggsy’s turn to flush and he spoke of his friend who had left his life to follow Eggsy to Scotland, just so Eggsy wouldn’t be alone. Roxy gave him a look and Eggsy just shrugged. She was going to convince him to talk to the man when the curtain moved. “Merlin,” she smiled. Her smiled fell when she looked behind him. “Fucking cultists.”

“Almost clever, but this is the only hospital they would have brought you too,” the man said. He was dressed in scrubs and so were three others. “Shall we sign you out?”

Eggsy looked ready to fight, but Merlin and Roxy knew it wouldn’t go well in a hospital, too many innocents. Eggsy unclenched his fists at a touch from Merlin, and the three were whisked away in a stolen ambulance.


	8. Chapter 8

“You know, I am really starting to regret giving a fuck about Queen and Country,” Roxy said. “Most of my peers, only give a damn where you are in relation to the queen, don’t actually give a fuck about you know the actual country. I feel like maybe they are the smart ones.”

This time the guards were not fucking around, and they were in a dungeon, honest to god manacled to the wall. She tugged a bit. “There are really well screwed.”

“Yeah, we are, and the manacles are well set too,” Eggsy snarked. He tugged a bit. “Fucking medieval craftsmanship. Why couldn’t we be enlightenment, they were rubbish with this sort of stuff.” He was tugging hard enough he was breaking the skin on his wrists. “You fucking wankers!” he screamed.

“Eggsy, be at peace,” Merlin tried to soothe.

“Why are you so mellow?” Roxy asked. He was manacled as well, but not trying to free himself. Almost looked like he wanted to nap. “I don’t know how we get out this time.”

“We don’t,” Merlin said. He shrugged a bit. “Sometimes, all you can do is accept that you are well and truly fucked. We are fucked. Maybe we won’t be later, but right now we are, and I am tired.” 

Roxy’s eyes widened. “Did he just fall asleep, manacled in a dungeon by fucking cultists who plan to kill him?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy stopped tugging. “Yeah he did.”

“What the fuck?”

“When stressed as fuck, he just sort of falls asleep? Honestly bit worrying,” Eggsy frowned. “There was this time -”

“Maybe not now,” Roxy suggested gently. “Because they are going to kill him, when he finishes translating the journal.”

“I mean it’s easy, innit?” Eggsy said, “he just doesn’t finish translating it. He’s the only one who can, and they aren’t going to kill him until then.”

“No but they can hurt us to make him work,” Roxy said. “Because he seems the honourable sort?” It was a guess but she was pretty sure based on the whole charging at a guy because he insulted Eggsy situation. “They could do whatever to him and he wouldn’t give a fuck, but hurt you and he’ll crack easy.”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t have to do a lot either,” Eggsy banged his head on the stone a bit. “Fuck. We are fucked, and in a we are going to die way. Christ I’m dying without having been shagged in six months.”

“Oh I am so sorry, I at least got some before doing this.”

“Two years for me,” Merlin said, revealing he had been resting but not asleep.

“Bloody hell, just no,” Roxy said. “You are well fit and smart, that is just wrong.”

“You think me fit?”

“Do not even,” Eggsy glared at them. “No flirting in a dungeon as we face death, this is not a fucking Bruce Willis movie.”

“His don’t have a lot of flirting actually,” Roxy offered. “Not a lot of damsel in distress. Some, but not in comparison to a few other action heroes.”

“What the fuck do I know, musicals are my favourites,” Eggsy said. “I picked a random actor. Anyways not like you are the damsel. That’s Merlin. Who’d I blow out of pity if we wouldn’t both vomit over it.”

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Merlin smiled. “And it is fine.”

“Do you not like sex?” Roxy was watching him, very curious about the answer. More curious than she expected.

“Love it,” Merlin replied, “But my dick doesn’t like morons, students, bigots, and people who say what’s the point in a humanities degree. It rather limits the fucking pool.”

“I’m not any of those,” she said. “Or at least, I try not to be. And I’ve never questioned why someone would get a humanities degree once.” She rather enjoyed the slow smile that built over Merlin’s face.

“Oi, I said stow it,” Eggsy said. They all quieted when they heard footsteps. The watched the door and five cultists came in. All naked and painted in elaborate symbols. And all armed. “Your dick is tiny,” Eggsy told the leader.

He was ignored and Roxy watched them walk over and cut all the clothes off of Merlin.

“I am taking back well fit, and saying really fucking fit,” she didn’t pretend she wasn’t looking at him.

“I box a lot. And sometimes throw a tractor tire around.” Merlin kicked out at the cultists, but when two moved and pressed guns to Eggsy and Roxy’s heads, he stopped and let them finish stripping him, and they started to cover him in the symbols as well. “You were right, I will do whatever I can to prolong your lives.” 

He was covered in the symbols and they were taking up and outside.

It was night and huge torches were lit along with some spotlights. The journal sat in the middle of a stone ring. Waiting for him.

“How do you know the water didn’t wash away all the words,” Roxy asked?   
  


“It had been treated,” Eggsy said. “Romans knew how to -”

“No,” Merlin said. “It hadn’t, it tasted like paper and ink when I ate the page.”

“The page is returned to the journal, water did not hurt it,” one of the women said. “It is magic, it is destiny. You cannot change destiny.”

Eggsy glared at her. “Yeah you fucking can, you see me being a thief and fuck up?”

“You stole our jeep, and still got caught,” she said and held open her hands.

Roxy had known him a few days and like Merlin was ready to kill to defend him. “Oi, you hag, come at me. Because I sure as fuck changed my fate.”

“As did I, as did Eggsy,” Merlin said. “But the skills, the upbringing that were meant for us, that we adapted to other circumstances, they brought us here. I am intrigued.”

“Ugh, of course you are. Been waiting for this to flip in your head.” Eggsy sighed. “Great. Just great.”

“Do your work, and they live,” the leader said.

“I know.” Merlin stepped into the circle. He sat down and kept reading the journal, which did look perfectly intact, but Roxy believe it was bullshit, a copy or something. He was whispering to himself and a few of the cultists went closer trying to hear him, and Roxy watched the leader clean a sword, test the edge. 

“Why isn’t Merlin more worried?” Roxy asked Eggsy.

“Because he wants to know what that fucking journal says, what has made all this happen.” Eggsy was watching him. “Because if he is going to die, he’s going to learn until the very last moment.”

“I am really annoyed that I find that attractive, considering the circumstances,” Roxy muttered. She stopped watching Merlin and tried to assess all the naked cultists. There was a lot of flesh flapping about. And a lot of them had guns. “Bugger, I don’t see a way this time.”

Eggsy held her hand. “Me neither. Was really neat meeting you. Next life hope we get to be friends.”

“You believe in reincarnation?” she didn’t expect that.

“Student of history. Patterns. Some people come back.” Eggsy looked at Merlin. “He is an old fucking soul.” He was holding tight, or maybe she was it was hard to say.

“Ohhhh,” Merlin said softly. “Eggsy?”

“Yeah?”

“Earliest Arabic you can think of, give me the story of Hades and Persephone.”

Eggsy started speaking Arabic, though it was off from the little she knew, the vowels all just a little different that the sounds she was used to in her travels. “That help?”

“It did,” Merlin replied and held up a hand. “Pencil or something please.” One was brought to him and he made some notes in the book. He read a bit more and then nodded and put it down. “There we go.”

“And?”

“You told me to read it, and the word bearer would be killed. I read it. I carry the words. So kill me.”

“No!” Roxy and Eggsy screamed. They both tried to move forward, to do something, something foolish or impossible and both were hauled back. Eggsy’s shoulder was dislocated and a good chunk of her hair was ripped out.

Merlin was looking at the leader and smiled. “I did as you bid, now kill me.”

The leader stepped forward into the circle and raised his sword aloft, “You didn’t say them out loud enough for us to hear do it again.”

“Ah but see, I did read the important parts out loud, spoke the secret words. You just couldn’t hear them. But I do it again, it kills them and you never get your prize. You never get their meaning. Kill me as you need to and you’ll be able to open the box, but you will never fully understand what it means. Or you let us all live and walk away, and maybe you’ll eventually find someone who can try again. But the journal says once spoken you have to kill the word bearer. So fucking kill me!” Merlin roared and Roxy was in awe of his bravery and stupidity. 

The man raised his sword as high as his arm would go, ready to bring it down on Merlin’s head, and Merlin closed his eyes.

But the sword fell from the man’s hand as the bullet tore through his eyes and he fell down, dead before his body hit the ground. 

Roxy yanked Eggsy down and did her best to cover his head. Merlin crawled over to them as bullets were flying and protected them both with his own body until it went quiet.

“See this is why our relationship never worked, you would not leave the dramatics to me,” Harry said walking into the glen. “I am much better at them.” He slung his sniper rifle over his shoulder. “Really, Merlin, cultists?”

Merlin laughed a bit, “at least my arse is still better than yours.”

“That is true and quite beautifully painted right now.”

“Will you two stop,” Percival shouted. “Roxy?”

“Here, under the painted naked arse!”

“My apologies,” Merlin said as he rolled off her. He lay naked on the ground staring at the sky. “Deus ex Harry, always my favourite sort of Deus ex.”

Roxy ignored him, and ran into her uncle’s arms. “Fucking cultists,” they said at the same time.

Eggsy ignored it all, and watched Merlin. “Fuck you want to open the box don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Merlin said and kept staring at the sky. “Of course I fucking do.”

“You better goddamn pass my dissertation with flying fucking colours,” Eggsy said and lay down next to him on the grass. “So what do we do?”

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Roxy was wrapped in a shock blanket, and every time she tried to shrug it off, her uncle put it back over her shoulders. “Shouldn’t the naked guy get the shock blanket?”

“No, he runs hot, promise he isn’t feeling it,” Percival said.

“And how do you know that?”

“Harry once said. One of the reasons they broke up, Harry didn’t like sleeping next to him in summer.”

“That feels small and stupid.”

“My husband’s mind often is,” Percival said dryly.

Roxy snorted at that. “Saved our arses though.”

“He is very good at that.” 

Roxy tried to slip the blanket off, and it was settled back around her again. “I’m fine, no big deal. It was only multiple kidnappings in a very short window and an almost drowning. No big deal.”

“To me, it is a very big deal.” Percival pulled her close. “This was never supposed to happen to you.”

“But it did,” she leaned against him, and watched as Merlin paced around naked, adjusting everything that the cultists had set up. It was silly, and she was certain it was just because she was tired, but the ground felt like it was humming. A resonance that wasn’t there before.

She watched Eggsy flap around trying to convince Merlin not to do this, but also setting up everything accurately, nudging work this way and that. “They are interesting men.”

“Did we gain a crush on his grad student?” Percival teased, seeing the direction of her gaze.

“Eggsy? No,” Roxy laughed. “He is in love with his flatmate.”

“Oh my god, they were flatmates,” he deadpanned.

“How do you know that?”

“Please, I know everything.” Percival was watching them as well. “Hmmm.”

“Shut up,” Roxy replied swiftly. She hoped the giant torches were not illuminating her flushed cheeks.

“He is attractive, and according to Harry, wonderful. They just weren’t meant for the long haul.”

“He is brilliant. I’m a rich bitch with an insta feed.”

“Been reading comment boards again?” Percival shook his head. “If you want him, claim him.”

“Like a prize?” Roxy shook her head. “It is all just adrenaline from the kidnappings. When this is done, I am sure we won’t remember each other’s names after a few weeks.”

“Of course.”

“When you say it like that, I know you are calling someone a fool,” Roxy elbowed him. She would have continued her protesting, but Merlin called her over. She shed the blanket and went into the circle with them. “Have it sorted?”

“Aye, they were both too literal and not literal enough.”

“That makes no sense,” Roxy pointed out.

“What I fucking said,” Eggsy agreed.

Merlin shooed Harry away and when he tried to protest, Merlin went over and kicked him in the shin. “Go, you are useless right now. Go hold your husband’s hand, and be ready to do some field medical work, just in case.”

“This is the thanks I get for being the hero of this tale?”

“Roxy is the hero, I’m the damsel, Eggsy is the knowledgeable but silly side kick, just like all good movies. You are the bit player from the beginning who reappears. You might have a bigger part in the sequel.”

“Your film studies minor is showing again, Merlin.”

“So is my arse, which is infinitely more interesting. Now scoot.” Merlin shooed him away, and Harry stepped out of the circle. “Now then. We have the journal, and the box.”

“Which again, I think we just give me a pry bar, and mystery solved,” Eggsy said.

“That would get us into the box, but that would not give us what is in the box,” Merlin replied. “And the journal said something that intrigued me.”

“Ugh, I’m hitting you with a cricket bat, after this just to make you a little bit dimmer,” Eggsy warned. “Provided you live, but you know that whole we need to kill you for it to work thing?”

“There is more than one way to kill a man, Eggsy.”

“Uh yeah, I know that. I can see like 4 ways around us we can do it.” Eggsy shook his head. “And I’m not doing that to one of the few people in the world who actually gives a fuck about me.”

“Too literal,” Roxy smiled slowly. “All sorts of death.” She grinned a bit. “Oh my god, you dirty old man.”

“The french weren’t the first to call it the little death. And the translation was that the box needs life to open. That is what they were reading wrong. It needs death and life to bring it about.”

“I don’t get it.”

“He is going to have an orgasm, a little death, and make sure his come lands on the box, giving it life.” Roxy had to sit on the ground she was laughing so hard. “Oh my fucking god, we go through all this, and it can be solved with spunk.”

“Roman soldiers were a lot of men with a lot of time on their hands, I am sure there was a great deal of spunk as you say involving a lot of their actions.” Merlin was placing everything around them. “Now then, Eggsy look at the last page, confirm we have everything correct.”

Eggsy nudged the box a little bit more. “Wait, hold up if you are doing this why are we close by?”

“Because you two have heard the words of the journal, and are the only ones alive who have. You're tied to this journey. I don’t know that it would work without you next to me.”

“Okay, right, sure. Please don’t say I have to watch you do this? It’s like walking in on your stepda with a Playboy.”

Roxy snickered a bit at that. “Bit specific there.”

“Third most awkward moment of my goddamn life,” Eggsy agreed. “So I can like close my eyes, yeah? You just need my presence?”

“You can close your eyes, Eggsy. Even plug your ears if you like.”

“You’re the best.”

“Hardly.”

“Better than most, though,” Roxy offered softly. “I’m totally watching by the way.”

“Oh god, fuck me if you two flirting is going to be the rest of my dissertation.” Eggsy closed his eyes and plugged his ears. “Can’t hear you now.”

“I’m going to watch Merlin masturbate!” Roxy shouted to annoy Eggsy.

“Oh that is a lovely sight, can we watch too?” Harry called out.

“NO!” Everyone replied, and she saw Percival turn Harry around before she focused on Merlin again.

“Unless you object?” Roxy asked Merlin. 

He looked at her and smiled. “Not in the least.”

Roxy shivered as she watched him begin to stroke himself, his eyes never left her face, and hers were freely roaming all over his body. He was really fucking gorgeous and while four times out of five she preferred women, he was hitting that fifth spot perfectly. “You compel me,” was what came out of her mouth, surprising her.

“Now that is a lovely thing to say. You compel me, as well,” Merlin replied and closed his eyes. Roxy kept her gaze on him, but out of the corner of her eye, it seemed the box was starting to glow as his breath grew ragged. “Be ready lass, the box has to be opened quickly.”

Merlin soon arched his back and as his come landed on the box, she actually heard a snick and opened it. It was a rock, in a metal setting. Not anything she hadn’t seen in a museum before, but there was something about it. She slowly reached towards it, but before she could touch it, Merlin’s fingers entwined with hers. “Don’t lass,” he warned.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Everything.” Merlin’s grip was tight, and the rock was calling to her. “Roxy, do you wish to control the world?”

Roxy watched what seemed like galaxies swirl across the stone. “I would be good at it,” she whispered.

“Perhaps. I would be too, I think.” Merlin’s grip, she realized, wasn’t just tight to stop her from touching, but himself. “That stone is akin to the philosopher’s stone. Or near enough. A Scottish myth that the Romans tried to claim. Only they couldn’t, it wasn’t their power to take. So they locked it away, hid it, and cursed themselves. Imagine what we could do, if we dared claim it.”

“Uh-uh,” Eggsy said. He slammed the lid down. “Ain’t no friends of mine, being stupid. And power makes people fucking stupid. Oi, gun guy!” Eggsy threw the box high in the air. “Pull! Or fire, or whate-” The box exploded as Harry shot it to pieces. “There we go.”

“Eggsy you destroyed history!” Merlin shouted.

Roxy felt something shift inside her, a sense of purpose, desire. A compulsion. Just a tiny shift. When she went to let go of Merlin, he wouldn’t let her, and she realized she didn’t mind. 

“I destroyed something that would make people stupid. We got the journal, which will be a normal journal now that that thing is gone, and it will be a fun legend to translate, and you and I can write a book on it and end up on the history channel or some shit. And we’re good. That thing - not good. So I saved your fucking lives, from being melted like it is fucking Indiana Jones or something.” Eggsy poked Merlin in the chest. “So you say thank you, because if you were melted you couldn’t ask Roxy out on a date.”

Merlin let go of her, and pulled Eggsy into a hug. “Thank you, for being the most sensible man I know, Eggsy.”

“Damn right,” Eggsy agreed and squeezed him tight.

Roxy smiled at them. They were both adorable. But that little piece was still sitting there at the back of her brain. She walked away from them and went to stand in front of Harry. “Okay, bring me in.” She said. She took a breath. “Queen and Country, yeah? Because I’ve seen this, and you, you don’t look surprised by it at all. Which means you know there is other bullshit magic out there. And I want to keep us safe.”

Harry smiled at her. “Welcome aboard.”

“No.” Percival shook his head. “It is too dangerous.”

“Not if Harry and I become a team, and have the world’s best analyst on our side,” Roxy smiled at him. The smile that always got her extra pudding as a child. He sighed and she knew she had him.

“Roxy, will you go out on a date with me?” Merlin shouted to her.

“Sorry, she’s mine, for the foreseeable future,” Harry shouted back.

“Yes, I’ll meet you for coffee when the foreseeable future is done,” she called to Merlin. 

“That suits me fine.”

“Me as well.” Roxy would have said more, a proper goodbye, but Harry and Percival whisked her away.   
  



	10. Chapter 10

She walked around the campus a bit, took some live video and photos and put it on her insta feed and talked about recycling programs and sustainability practices at universities. It had been decided that she would keep up her social media persona, it still fit well as a cover as she moved forward. Eight months of training where she was pretty much only given room to breathe, to make the social media posts so that she wasn’t forgotten.

Merlin had liked every post on every platform she used, but never left a comment. She wondered what that meant. She hoped it meant he was thinking of her. Eggsy had left several absurd comments, and she had laughed at each one.

She had mildly stalked Merlin the last three days and knew he’d be having coffee at a shop across the street from where his office building. He was notorious for hating his office and students went to him at the coffee shop more than the room that had his name on it. She walked in and he was at the table in the corner, reading and making notes.

“You’re alive!” Eggsy shouted from the other side of the cafe. He had been sitting with a handsome bloke. “See, Jamal, told you I didn’t make up that I knew her.” He bounded over and good lord that was a hard hug. But she returned it just as tightly. “Was scared they were going to like reprogram you or something. Are you a clone? You have to tell me if you are a government clone.”

She laughed, and leaned against him. When she looked over, she saw Merlin smiling at them. “Not a clone. What I was doing was...interesting and I can tell you none of it.” She leaned in close. “Later I’ll tell you like 30% of it.”

“Awesome. Wanna meet Jamal? My flatmate?”

“Oi he better be more than that by now,” she said as he put her down.

Eggsy grinned. “There was only one bed.”

She gasped. “Ooh, only one bed hmmm?”

“Go on, then, he’s been waiting to have coffee with you.” Eggsy nudged her, and went back to his table with Jamal.

Roxy walked slowly over to Merlin who was watching her. “Hiya.”

“Hello, Roxy.”

“Foreseeable future is over. I thought we could have coffee?” She bit her lip. “Unless of course, we were just flirting because of that whole fucking cultists trying to kill us thing, and you’ve not really thought about me?”

“I’ve thought about you every day.”

“I’ve read everything you’ve written.”

“Fuck, don’t say that, the stuff I wrote in my thirties is appalling.”

“I won’t even be in my thirties for another 3 years.” 

Merlin groaned a bit at that. “Christ, lass, way to make me feel old.”

“I bet you can keep up well enough,” Roxy said. “I have two weeks off, reward for doing well at my...internship.” She had been using government internship as a bit of added cover on her media. “Where is a good place to stay around here?”

“My house,” Merlin suggested. “Unless you want to pretend we don’t want to shag each other’s brains out and see if we can figure out a sort of happy ever after that suits two very independent people?”

Roxy looked over and while Eggsy had no idea what they were saying, he gave her a thumb’s up and eyebrow wiggle. She snorted at that and turned back to Merlin. She was really happy to see him. “Let’s go then,” she said. She watched him quickly pack up his stuff, and they headed to the door.

A panicked woman came up to them. “Professor, thank god I caught you.”

“Office hours are done, my grad student, Eggsy there can help you. Good day.” Merlin tried to keep moving.

“I think I found Atlantis!” she shouted.

When Merlin froze, Roxy panicked. “No, no no, I haven’t had anything but a vibe in months. Do not.”

“Atlantis is outside my field of study,” Merlin said slowly. “I am a Scottish and Roman historian.”

“Word got around, you were the one to figure the key. You can figure this out.”

“No. Sex. Happy ever after,” Roxy was close to whining.

“Other people are hunting for it, there are things that could be weaponized and -”

“Fuck, now I have to care,” Roxy groaned. Eggsy was hurrying over to them. “Eggsy, we’re fucked, and not in the fun way.”

“Speak for yourself, I got the d this morning.” Eggsy looked at Merlin. “Bruv, history can wait when you got a girl like Roxy wanting you.”

“The woman said Atlantis.” Roxy gave Eggsy a look.

“Right, I’ll get our bug out bags from the office. Bye Jamal, if I die, avenge my death!” 

“Fuck that, I’m selling your shit and living like a king.”

“Love you too!” Eggsy looked at the woman. “We’ll be ready in ten.”

Merlin looked at Roxy, “You did say you had two weeks.”

“You are goddamn eating me out the second we find a loo and have ten minutes of peace,” she warned him. “I’ll call my uncle, get some things in place.”

“Good, now tell me everything.” Merlin said to the woman. He reached out for Roxy’s hand.

Roxy took it, and didn’t let go. Two weeks of sitting around and figuring out happy ever after sounded boring anyways. This suited them much more. Eggsy complaining about them being too noisy when they fucked in the private plane's bog, was just an added bonus.


End file.
